Wow. How is it even
possible that over a year and a half has passed me by without even one iota of
a posting to my own blog. It’s funny,
because I think about this blog at least once a day. Once a day for probably 21 months – that’s a
little more thought and a lot less action.
Disappointing, I know. Ryan even
asked me several months ago why I hadn’t posted in such a long time. After a long pause and a brief amount of
thought, all I could come up with was “I just don’t feel like I have anything to
say.”
I have always prided myself on my ability to transfer
thought to written word in somewhat of an eloquent fashion. It’s always been my source of salvation when
the thoughts in my head get too jumbled, unorganized, or riotous. And it isn’t to say that I haven’t had
thoughts, because where would that leave me?
I just have also always prided myself on the notion that “if you don’t
have anything useful to say, don’t say anything at all.” I suppose I just haven’t felt like anything I
have thought in these last almost 2 years has been useful. After some consideration, I’ve come to
realize that maybe this is just an extension of my feeling of uselessness which
has grown out of my lack of resolution on the job front. After almost 4 years of searching and waiting,
much to my own chagrin, I have yet to step back into the classroom as a full
time teacher. This has definitely taken
its toll on my confidence, patience, surefootedness and resolve. For a brief time, I was teaching jewelry
making to elementary students which was, in its own way, educationally
fulfilling. But, as is wont to happen,
that opportunity became unavailable as the business owner relocated. Currently, I am employed by a school in more
of an administrative role than anything else, which is definitely a step in the
right direction, but still not quite on point.
At least I’m in the building, right?
More space in my brain is taken up with thoughts about “did
I do the right thing in pursuing education” and “how am I going to make this work”
than anything else, therefore leaving me feeling like, since I have no answers
to these questions, maybe I should just keep plugging away at them until I have
something useful to say. Again with that
word. Useful. All I’m left with is the questions upon
questions that multiply out of the one that started it all: “what am I
doing?” I got nothing. I started out down this path that seemed so
clear more than 10 years ago. Every step
along the way has been taken in the direction of a specific goal – one that was
clear, visual, and attainable. But now
here I am, looking around at the dirt path ahead of and behind me and I see
that it’s all just a wide open desert wasteland of what was once a forest of my
flourishing career goals. Maybe that’s
an exaggeration, maybe it’s not all a wasteland as I’ve met some amazing people
along the way and was afforded time to have my first baby. But who would have believed that education
would NOT have been a safe career bet?
Surely not me, as one of the things Ryan and I laughed about in terms of
having to move every other 6 months/year was “they need teachers everywhere, so
we’re all set.” I am a big believer in
the whole “it happens for a reason” mentality, and I do fully believe that
every step taken thus far has not been in vain.
However, as I look forward, my vision isn’t as clear as it once
was. 30 is walking down the sidewalk to
my doorstep and will soon be knocking and asking, “what now?” So, indeed, what now?
Well, to start, I have a full blown family now with a tiny
human and an adoring husband. That has
become my focus, especially as more children may show their beautiful faces in
our near future (not yet, don’t get excited, just more near than far). With that in mind, along with my hiatus from
the educational community, I think I am also shifting my teaching beliefs and
philosophy. What was once a hard and
fast rule about sticking by the public school system and supporting that which
so many people have neglected has become more of a wavering idea that leans
toward homeschooling and charter school education. As I’ve said, every step has meant something
and many of those steps have been taken outside the public school system, in
other domains that have not only opened my eyes to the flaws of our public
education system, but also to the amazing opportunities that have blossomed in
the charter school/homeschool sector. It
really isn’t what it used to be – in a good way. The school I currently work
in, specifically, has really broadened my scope for what education can really
look like and how much was missing from my public school teaching experience. More on that in a later post…
With all of that said, I am trying to commit myself to my
writing again. I know, I’ve said this
before and I am a terrible personal rule breaker. I don’t mean to do it, it just happens. Don’t point the finger at me – I’m sure
you’ve done it too. Just not on a public
forum where people can look at the date of your last post and say, “aye, what a
slacker.” Believe me, I feel it more
than you think it. But I’m making a
comeback! Refueled by my recent
acquisition of free time in my husband’s absence, I am determined to continue
my quest toward career/maternal/personal enlightenment. Bushwhacked as it may become, the path will
be forged. I can’t say that I know what
the theme of this blog will be going forward.
Honestly, I don’t know that it had an actual “theme” to begin with. At the heart, it is still all about a small
town girl just trying to figure it all out; but even more, it’s about a once focused
yet wandering educator who is redefining herself and her life’s mission. Stay tuned, it should get interesting…
Anyway, I accomplished a huge project this weekend that I am
dying to share with you all! With the
free time I’ve had these days, I have been trying to conquer a lot of household
projects that I have been keeping on an ever increasing list. One of those projects has been the kiddo
room. When we first moved into this
house, I put all of her things in one of the 3 bedrooms with a vision in my
head of what it could look like if I ever summoned the gumption to make it
happen. I knew the exact color,
decorations, and set up. When she was
about 6 months old, I finally decided to tackle it. Ryan was gone on one of his many 2 week long
trainings, I had already finished the living room and now I was ready to move
on. I bought the paint, draped the furniture,
and taped the creases to get started. I
finished the painting in 2 days over the course of the kiddo’s nap times and
night time sleeping. Thankfully she was
taking nice long naps twice a day. Once
I got the whole room painted with two coats, I put up some of the wall appliques
that I found and put the furniture where I wanted it. I was so excited, but I didn’t want to get
too happy yet, I still had things I wanted to do. 
Well, wouldn’t you know, it took me another six months to
finally complete the project. I have been
staring at the one large blank wall in her room for months trying to decide
what to do with it. I have been looking
for the right set of shelves to put up against it, but nice shelve pieces are
stupid expensive and I’m really not interested in putting a lot of money into
kiddo furniture; God knows what is in store for it. Well wouldn’t you know Pinterest saved the
day! A while back I saw a posting ofor
using rain gutters as shelving to create a little book nook in a kiddo
room. Brilliant! I pinned it for a rainy day and have had it
in the back of my mind for weeks now.
Well, last week I was so over the kiddo’s books being strewn all over
her room, as she is obsessed with reading every single one and then just
dropping it and moving on to the next.
It was time to execute the plan!
This past weekend the Munchkin and I set out to Home Depot
to gather supplies. I found the perfect
vinyl rain gutter in a beautiful shade of brown to match some of the furniture
and some drywall screws. The rain gutters are sold in ten foot
lengths, so I carried one down to the front of the store and asked one of the
orange apron wearing men types if a hacksaw would be the best way to cut this
gutter down. I don’t want to say that
there was any eyelash batting or sweet smiling happening, but it was a Saturday
at Home Depot and without it I was probably just some clueless chick with a kid
wandering the aisles. They were more
than obliging to my request and said, well, I guess we could just do it for you
miss, right this way. Bing bang boom, 10
feet of gutter becomes 3 equal length gutter shelves. I walked out of there for
approximately $9 with my three pieces and 12 drywall screws. Sweet! Munchkin and I headed home for naptime and I
planned my attack. When she woke up, I
taped the walls where I wanted to hang the shelves, measured for the screws,
drilled the wall and the gutter pieces and screwed them into the wall. Done and done. It was so exciting! I moved a chest into the room next to the
shelves for the animals to have a home, put the remaining Eric Carle animal
appliques up and marveled at my handiwork.
The last step in the process was hanging the picture string
I made for her first birthday. At her
party I hung a collection of pictures from her first year, hung them from string
with ribbon so people could look at them as they meandered around throughout
the day. I really liked how it turned
out, so I figured why not get two uses out of it? I strung the pictures up above the shelves
and now that whole space looks purposeful.
The room is complete. It is the
first room in the whole house, in almost a year of us living here, that is
finally complete and Savannah is obsessed with it. She is constantly pointing and laughing at
the pictures, which she has been studying as they’ve been lying on various
surfaces around our house since September.
She can’t get enough of taking the books down and putting them back up
and she is loving the space that has been made available to play by getting
everything off the floor and out of corners.
Yay for me! Check out the
pictures for yourself. Since
there is no one here to revel at my creation in person, you all get the joy of
seeing it here. I don’t know about you,
but for me there is something about finishing a major project that inspires me
to get started on another one. Seems
counterintuitive, but it’s true. Wait
till you see my garage...