Lesson 27: Learn how to take a compliment.
This has been a difficult one for me to do and I am definitely still working on it. I’m not sure what flaw it is that exists inside me that makes my inner voice question the motives of someone giving me a compliment. It has always made me uncomfortable, though. I blush, get shy, turn away and sometimes outright deny, deny, deny. I’ve been known to take sarcastic ownership, like, I can turn “I love your shirt” into a snarky “Thanks, it’s because I have amazing taste.” Or worse, instead of just saying thank you, I might create a caveat to the compliment like, when someone compliments my cooking I might say something like, “yeah, it could probably use more/less (fill in the blank), but it’s alright.” It’s silly really. It drives Ryan crazy. I married a man who is fantastic at giving sincere compliments in expression of his love and/or gratitude and I sincerely struggle with accepting them and moving on. The lesson? When someone compliments you stop analyzing their motives – just smile and say thank you! It doesn’t make you look self-aggrandizing or egocentric. Take ownership of how awesome you are, because everyone deserves to be complimented, especially for their hard work. When you refuse the compliment you are both displaying a low sense of self-worth and insulting the sincerity and taste of the person complimenting you.
Lesson 26: Be strong, understand and respect your body
This is another of the 12 Woodcraft Laws I learned all those years ago - it stuck out to me then and it sticks with me now. Back then, I saw this as more of a physical strength kind of thing – which, I had. I played sports, hiked all over the Adirondacks, swam like a fish and rode my bike for miles and miles all over my town. As I got older though, as is wont to happen, my body changed and, even though I worked out and stayed active, my body required more to be “strong.” During this shift, I came across this statement and finally the part about “understanding and respecting your body” really set in. I’ve always felt strong, but it’s more than that. I started doing Pilates 5 years ago and it gave me a whole new understanding of what it actually meant to be strong. It gave me more clarity on this whole understanding and respecting my body business. I got a reality check about this after my c-section. As I enter my 30’s, I feel really in tune with what makes me feel strong and what detracts from that feeling. I also know a lot of people, older and younger, who have no recognition of this feeling at all. Not that they aren’t strong, but they don’t know from where they are strong or how to cultivate that strength. Your body, aside from your brain, is the only physical thing you have that is truly yours. No one else can lay claim to it, no one else can understand it the way you can, and no one else can hear what it tells you. Although I still struggle with losing a few pounds here and there to have the physical aesthetic I’d prefer, I am strong and I take ownership over that feeling. I have also learned the imperative necessity to be able to hear when my body is trying to tell me something and how to go about addressing the issue. I’m not someone who hits the gym every day and I can’t commit to a complete clean eating diet, but when I wake up in the morning, I feel in tune with what’s going on within. We understand each other, which, in my opinion is a big deal if you ask any woman who has ever felt like they don’t recognize the body they live in. I understand I will never get out what I don’t put in, and although that’s sometimes frustrating, it is what it is. This body created life, it houses the brain I am still paying for, and it has made it through some pretty demanding requests on my part. And, although I am not always happy with my body, I definitely respect it.
Lesson 25: Stop apologizing for everything, but know when to
say “I’m Sorry.”
I went through a phase
in my late teens and early 20’s when I apologized for everything. I apologized for things I did, for things I
didn’t do, for things other people did, for the weather, for anything and
everything. It was compulsive. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until
one of my friends pointed it out one day and said, “Stop apologizing for
everything! It’s driving me crazy!” I struggled with the impulse to apologize to
her for how often I apologized… In that moment, I started taking stock of how
often I said “I’m sorry” and was shocked when I realized how addicted I was to
expressing this sentiment. It was much
akin to when someone makes you aware of how often you say “like” or “um.” Suddenly, once you’re aware of it, it’s the
only thing you can think of to say and you struggle with the effort to cut this
word from your vocabulary. It took me a
while, but I was finally able to stop.
Someone told me once that by apologizing for everything all day long, it
took the weight away from the phrase when I needed to apologize for bigger
things. That really stuck with me. But that’s the trick, isn’t it? I have found that saying “I’m sorry” in those
moments when it is most important is sometimes the most difficult action – even
if I’ve spent all day saying it. I guess
it is the pride swallowing ownership of a really hurtful situation that makes
it hard, but knowing when to say “I’m sorry” and really mean it is so
crucial. Saying sorry to someone you
bump into is easy, but saying sorry to someone for a hurtful comment or action
is such a different story. Sometimes
that verbal recognition of the wrong doing is all a person wants or needs, but
it can be easily glossed over or overlooked. I’ve also found that people often have
a longer and stronger memory of a time when sorry wasn’t said and needed to be,
than of a time someone wronged them and apologized. It’s only two words, but they sure do pack a
punch when used appropriately. As I begin
to teach my daughter about “I’m sorry” and forgiveness, I find myself taking a
mental note: forgive the action, don’t forget the apology and always, ALWAYS
mean it when you say it.
