Getting the Hang of Things

Sweaty but happy!

Our first few days and weeks in Colombo were spent with our heads craned and our eyes opened, looking in all directions.  We spent a lot of time trying to get out locally, to keep it simple and to explore in small bits.  Every day we expanded our circle a little wider, including something new each time we ventured out.  Oh, and about the heat – the one thing we didn’t know how to anticipate or how we would deal with.  I have to say, it hasn’t been as overwhelming as I thought it was going to be.  Honestly, I have been trying to recall exactly what summers felt like in Florida or South Carolina for comparison and, for some reason, I can’t remember this being worse than that.  At worst, it’s about the same and at best, this is a tinge better.  It’s definitely hot, don’t get me wrong, and the humidity some days feels incredibly heavy.  But the temperature gauge doesn't get nearly as high and the ocean breeze cuts through a lot, it you happen to be near the water.  I’d say one of the major differences between here and the Southland is that you can’t always rely on every indoor space being air conditioned here.  But the kids haven’t complained nearly as much as I expected and take the strong sun and heavy air in stride most of the time.  While walking down Galle Face Green – the long expanse of open park that can be seen clearly from our apartment – the breeze

View from Galle Face - our building is the white high rise on the left

from the ocean makes it feel almost enjoyable outside.  In almost any picture we show of the ocean from our place, Galle Face is the wide open space running alongside it, usually populated by a fair number of people.  In the late afternoons street vendors set up tents along the sidewalk, selling

street food, kites, glow sticks, and other fun kid centered items.  By dusk each day, and definitely more so on the weekends, it’s a popular place for people to bring their picnic blankets and kids to watch the sunset, throw a ball or fly a kite.  There is a strong ocean breeze that makes this an ideal place to fly kites – we have yet to do it, but believe me, it’s on the list. 

We have also tried to master the art of riding in Sri Lanka’s favorite and most ubiquitous mode of transportation, the tuk-tuk.  Essentially, these taxis are three wheeled scooters on metal frames with roof covers, a bench backseat and are the quickest and cheapest way to get around town.  There are no seatbelts or windows (except the windshield), but each one is different, like a snowflake.  I’ve seen some stark on embellishment while others are

decorated like an office space at Pixar – movie themed posters, inspirational seatcovers, religious hangings, party lighting and even burning incense.  Also, a little detail we picked up on quickly – every tuk driver has a super large drink holder installed on the bottom right door jamb equipped, exclusively, with a recycled alcohol bottle full of…water?  At first, we were skeptical.  But, as it turns out from talking to local friends, this is actually a thing here.  They said that they grew up reusing liquor and wine bottles as water storage containers and didn’t know it wasn’t a thing everywhere else.  Regardless, when you see an Absolut bottle full of clear liquid in your driver’s drink holder, it’s only natural to take pause.  Anyway, a typical ride in a tuk-tuk will run you somewhere between 50-200 rupees – that’s about .35-$1.30.  Oh yeah, and it will run you that much only if you insist on the driver using his meter or you are able to really negotiate your price with a non-meter using driver.  Partaking in the fare negotiation dance is a ritual as old as time and one done at your own risk.  In the beginning, we figured, “what’s the harm in letting the driver overcharge by 50-100 rupees? It’s just a quarter or two and who wants the hassel of talking them down?”  But, we were strongly discouraged by our local friends to avoid giving way on tuk fares and to insist upon the meter. We promptly changed our practice, but sometimes it’s just easier to let it go. 

A blurry shot of our 1st tuk ride, also at night!

In jumping into a tuk you also put upon yourself the thrill and peril that comes with riding in such a fashion.  The rules of the road here are certainly not what they are back in the States.  Drivers, particularly tuk drivers, work with what’s known as “windows-forward” driving rules.  Meaning, every driver is solely responsible for what happens in front of their vehicle and nowhere else.  So, although everyone has side view and rear view mirrors, no one is looking over their shoulder to make sure they aren’t cutting someone off.  In most cases, you probably are cutting someone off.  In fact, every driver uses their horn as a third, and often primary, directional signal.  And not in    

an annoying way, like we do in America.  It’s not people laying on their horns in an annoyed or disgruntled fashion; it’s more of a light and gentle single or double toot to say: 1) I’m coming up behind you, don’t pull out, 2) Hey, I’d like to get around you, 3) You’re veering into my lane, be careful or 4) Excuse me, get a move on or get out of my way.  It’s all fairly polite and a lot less stressful than you might imagine.  Lane usage rules are up for negotiation, as well, which is largely when you here the most horn usage.  Although there are clear, nicely painted lines in the road, lane sharing is not just accepted, it’s a general expectation.  One two lane side of a street could have 3-4 vehicles across at any given time, with tuk-tuks being able to fit two per lane if they are really trying.  And not just motorcycles and tuk-tuks participate, EVERYone lane shares, merging in and out of lanes as openings arise and with little warning, except for a light tap on the horn.  Buses are (literally) the biggest perpetrators of these acts, using their size and speed to take over whichever part of the road they would like – oh, and their horns are the worst.  They are the only ones who really lay on the horns, while their horns are, at the same time, incredibly loud.  Buses are the Courtney Love of Sri Lankan driving – loud, pushy, unpredictable, and a little bit reckless.  In our safety briefing at the Embassy, we were

strongly encouraged to avoid riding the bus around town, even though it might seem fun and easy.  They are more dangerous to ride on and, from what I have gathered in watching them, a bit hasty.  Bus stops are more like Cali roll throughs – you better be prepared to jump on or off, because the “stop” is more like a generous pause somewhere near the sidewalk. Wow, that Courtney Love analogy really plays all the way through. 

All this said, I have been surprised by the low number of traffic incidents I have seen while here, so far.  I can only think of one off the top of my head, up to this point, and it was barely a fender bender that I didn’t even witness, I just saw the two drivers discussing it calmly on the side of the road.  I know they happen, because I have heard stories from other people, but I spend a lot of time out and about and have yet to actually witness one or even the evidence of one.  To be perfectly honest, despite the lack of adherence to general rules of the road, very little use of signal lights, relaxed seatbelt laws and almost no stop lights, except for those at crosswalks, I can’t say that I have actually felt unsafe as a passenger in any car or tuk-tuk as of yet.  I know, you are probably thinking, “Well, Heather, you are so laid back and adaptable, of course you’re fine with it.  I’d be a wreck!”  But, that’s not it.  There is a decided lack of ego or road rage on the roads here in Sri Lanka, which, I think, makes all the difference.  Some of the stuff that I have seen go down, in the way of cutting others off, pulling out in front, and stopping dead in the lane, would probably make almost any American release their road Kraken.  Here, though, I have never seen anyone shake a first, flip a bird, scream an obscenity, or even sigh dramatically over these offences – they might offer a slight nod of the head.  That’s all.  It’s amazing.  I don’t know if it’s patience or Buddhist calm or simply a learned ambivalence to driving practices they have experienced their entire lives, but either way, it’s incredible to watch. 

Something else that has been interesting for us to watch and experience has been the way Sri Lanka has received our children.  I can’t remember where, but around the time we arrived here I was reading something that said that Sri Lankans are incredibly child-centric.  They love kids.  Children are treated with an incredibly high regard and their comfort is often put in high priority.  That would explain why we received such incredible service on our flight to Colombo from London.  Even restaurants here are not only incredibly tolerant of children, but are overly accommodating to them.  I’ve found a number of places that have separate play rooms attached to the dining area of the restaurant so that kids can play while adults eat.  There is even someone usually staffed to hang out in this play room to keep an eye on them – with no sign-in process or fee.  It’s just an amenity to the dining experience.  It’s awesome.  I can’t say that the restaurants attached to these play rooms are always the BEST food in Colombo, but it’s often passable enough to warrant the visit, if for no other reason than a manageable, quiet, drama free meal.  Can I get an “Amen?”

A crowd gathers to take pictures with our tiny celebrities

The caveat and sometimes fall back of this high regard for children, though, is the heightened amount of attention we draw from people when we go out and about in public.  The kids are show stoppers, a lot of the time, gaining viewership far and wide.  I have had people step in front of my moving stroller, stopping us in our tracks to say “hi” to the kids, ruffle their hair, stroke their cheeks and even take selfies with them.  It happens all the time!  Sometimes it’s only one or two people in passing and sometimes it’s entire crowds of people, depending on where we are. 

Actually, this one time I was in the grocery store buying vegetables, with Little Boy in the Ergo on my back.  He was just hanging out while I sorted through the tomatoes and a frazzled looking British woman approached me with horror on her face.  She had just witnessed a store employee walk by me, stroke his face, kiss his cheek and continue walking.  I, apparently too wrapped up in the tomatoes and already accustomed to this behavior anyway, didn’t take notice or react in any way.  She assumed I didn’t realize what had happened and rushed over to let me know my child was just handled by a stranger.  I assured her I noticed and it was fine, much to her shock and horror.  I chuckled a little and reassured her that it was fine.  I let her know it’s a common thing and we don’t mind, so long as the “handling” doesn’t get TOO invasive (obviously).  She relaxed a little when she realized I knew it was happening, but she started tentatively chuckling at the whole thing too. 

“I’ve never seen anything LIKE that before!  And he didn’t even flinch, he just smiled at her!  I just wanted to come and let you know it was happening!” was her response.

I laughed too and just told her, “Yeah, that’s a pretty normal response.  Although I’m surprised he didn’t blow kisses or say ‘Buh-bye’ like he usually does.” 

She walked away shaking her head and continuing to laugh, clearly baffled by the entire scene. 

I have to say, I was shocked at what cool customers the kids were with all of this, in the beginning.  I knew Kiddo would be fine with it – let’s be honest, she loves the spotlight.  But, I thought for sure Little Boy would be more apprehensive.  Nope!  He usually smiles, waves, blows kisses and says “Hello” and “Buh-Bye” like a regular little ham.  He’s definitely not as participatory as Kiddo, but he doesn’t run away, cry or freak out either.  I attribute the attention they get to the idea that, for some, seeing the kids is like spotting a baby unicorn in the wild.  They are small, beautiful, fair-skinned creatures that you just don’t see too many of in these parts.  You can’t even believe it’s there, so you have to take a picture so your friends will believe you.  A guy actually said to me, once, “I’ve just got to send this to my girlfriend, she’s going to flip.”  Apparently she’s really into unicorns, too.  My friend Michelle more accurately compared it to being a walking petting zoo.  She told me that one time an older woman insisted on taking off her kids’ shoes to examine the bottoms of their feet.  That was a new one, for sure, and definitely a little more in the “petting zoo” category than I’ve seen before.  The kids do know their boundaries, though, which I think is a good lesson from all of this.  I am always on guard whenever people stop to “pet” my children.  I have seen it get a little out of hand a time or two, which is when the Mama Bear in me swoops in, scoops them up, says “Thank you, have a nice day” and goes along my merry way.  If Kiddo isn’t in the mood to give a hug or take a picture, she will say “no” politely and we encourage her to do so, of course.  One time, walking on Galle Face Green a group of guys in their early 20’s got a little over excited taking pictures with the kids, wanting to hold them for pictures, take shots individually, then

together, then trading off.  The kids got over handled and began to politely protest.  I could see it happening and quickly put an end to it before they could get uncomfortable.  We debriefed about it on the way home, where I strongly encouraged Kiddo to not feel shy about standing up and saying, “Ok, I’m all done, thank you,” while also walking away, which is what she was doing when I swooped in.  I don’t mind the interaction; I actually think it’s good boundary practice.  I want them to feel comfortable with people in general, but develop a healthy understanding of what’s an invasion of space, where their boundaries are and how to voice their protest directly, but at least semi-politely.   These are practical and important skills, both abroad and stateside.

One of the unexpected, yet sweet things of all of this kiddo hypervigilance is access to the “village”

School Girls at a temple, requesting an audience with Kiddo

mentality of raising kids.  When people are constantly seeing and watching your children, this means there are also that many eyes actually seeing and watching your children in case something goes wrong.  I have had so many people interact with the kids because they wanted to make sure they were safe, happy and alright.  Often this happens if Kiddo is having a meltdown about something – usually the unsuspecting stranger thinks something is wrong and they can help, even though I’m often standing right there.  It’s sweet, but in the middle of meltdown maintenance, it’s not helpful to supply Kiddo with victim status.  Just saying.  It’s not just that, though, people also constantly reach their arms out, expecting Little Boy to topple over at any minute.  I’ve seen people run, full sprint, to help him get down stairs that he is not only more than capable of tackling, but is often insistent about doing without help.  As if, walking just inches away from him I might also be neglecting him by allowing him to do it himself.  In some ways the hypervigilance could be misconstrued as people thinking you aren’t capable as a parent; but, in a lot of other ways it’s sweet because it is always clear to me that the concern comes from a place of pure care and love, not judgement.  I appreciate that. 

For example, I was out to lunch with the kids by myself when, true to form, Kiddo insisted on going to the bathroom mere moments after the food arrived.  Something that happens all. The. Time.  Little Boy was ravenous and so excited at the sight of food, I was frustrated by her request because taking her meant I had to unstrap him from his chair and remove him from his lunch, to haul us all to the bathroom while our food got cold.  A table of women had come in after us, clearly on their lunch break from a local office, and had had their eye on our table since they arrived, cooing at the kids and giggling about how cute they were.  They overheard the situation and chimed in that they would be happy to keep an eye on Little Boy while he ate and I took Kiddo to the restroom.  It was one of those moments you have as a mom, where an offer is made that is just so tempting and all you want to do is say yes, even though you

know it’s wrong.  Now, honestly, I knew that these women were completely sincere and just wanted to help; however, the American in me said “definitely, no!”  I knew nothing would have happened, but graciously and appreciatively declined anyway.  That kind of thing has happened to me several times.  People are genuinely kind here in Sri Lanka, in many respects, but when it comes to children, it’s on a whole other level.  And I kind of dig that. 

We have really been enjoying getting familiar with our life here.  I have a lot to say when it comes to the food question, which I know a lot of people are curious about.  Because of that, I intend on devoting an entire entry to it.  There are a lot of nuances to dining in Sri Lanka as an American and a lot of areas to explore.  More on that later.  Otherwise, stay tuned for some of our recent escapades around the country and even abroad, as well!  TTFN!